


The One with the Truth About Prom

by southsidewrites



Series: The Southside Serpents as F.R.I.E.N.D.S. [5]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Comedy, Cute, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Friends AU, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Funny, Love, One Shot, Reader Insert, Romance, future serpents, serpent friendships, southside serpents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-18 20:24:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16524023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/southsidewrites/pseuds/southsidewrites
Summary: You and Sweet Pea have been dating since Senior Prom, and now, you’re getting married.  In an attempt to find a minister (who won’t stare at your boobs), a secret from that night all those years ago gets brought to the surface.Based on episode 7x16 of Friends: The One with the Truth About London; A One-Shot in The Southside Serpents as F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Anthology





	The One with the Truth About Prom

You set down your beer with an exasperated sigh.  Your conversation had been moving in endless circles, and you were thoroughly sick of it.  Wanting to be anywhere else, you glanced around the bar to see Jughead and F.P. laughing over a game of pool.  You didn’t even love pool all that much, but it looked endlessly more fun than arguing with your fiancé.

“Oh, come on, Sweet Pea, this is getting ridiculous.  There was absolutely nothing wrong with that minister, and you know it.”

“Beautiful, wonderful, gorgeous, amazing, Y/N,” Sweet Pea drawled, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and kissing you on the temple. “There’s no way in hell we’re going with that minister.”

“Do I even want to know why, Sweet Pea?”

“Did you see how much he was spitting?  If that desk wasn’t between us, I’d have needed a raincoat,” he exclaimed, shaking his head. “No way I’m getting within three feet of him.”

You groaned and leaned over the bar to snag another beer from the cooler behind the bar.  Then, you slid back into place on your barstool and glared at him. “Fine, that’s two ministers you’ve vetoed for utterly idiotic reasons.  What about the third guy?”

“Oh, you mean Reverend Horny?  The guy couldn’t take his eyes off your chest—vow of chastity, my ass.”

“Sweet Pea!” you exclaimed. “First of all, he was a pastor, and certainly didn’t take a vow of chastity.  Second, he was not staring at my chest.  I think I would have noticed.

“Would you have?” he asked, giving you a skeptical look. “I mean, guys stare at your chest all the time.  I’d imagine you’ve started zoning them out entirely by now.”

All you could do was roll your eyes. “That’s ridiculous.”

“It might be, but I’m still not going to be able to say ‘I do’ if I know the minister’s thinking, ‘yeah, man, I’d do her, too!’” He picked up his beer and took a sip.

“Fine, Sweet Pea, fine.  We still need to find a minister, though.  Someone had to marry us, and we’re quickly burning through every available minister in upstate New York.”

“That’s a little dramatic, babe,” he replied. “You act like it’s the end of the world if we don’t find a minister.”

“Not the end of the world, but surely the end of our wedding.”

“What’s the end of the world?” Toni asked, catching you and Sweet Pea by surprise as she and Fangs walked into the Wyrm.

“Well, somebody—” You shot a glare at Sweet Pea. “Seems to be determined to reject every minister in New York for some reason or another.”

“Babe, he really was staring at your boobs,” he exclaimed, lifting his hands in surrender.

“Can’t say I blame him,” Toni said with a shrug, ducking behind the bar to make herself a drink.

“You people are ridiculous,” Sweet Pea groaned, dropping his head into his hands with a groan.

“Why not just have one of us do it?” Toni asked. “It takes like twenty minutes to get ordained online.”

“Dibs!” Fangs shouted, hopping off his barstool and nearly knocking your beer off the bar. “Dibs, dibs, dibs!”

You couldn’t help but laugh, but Sweet Pea had taken on an uneasy expression. “Fangs,” he said slowly. “No offense or anything, but—” He took a deep breath. “There’s no way in hell you’re marrying us.”

“Sweet Pea!” you scolded, slapping his arm. “Saying no offense does not make you less of a dick.”

Fangs’ lips had drooped into a frown, and Toni was shaking her head disapprovingly at Sweet Pea.

Sweet Pea let out a low sigh, grabbing his beer bottle and scowling when he realized it was empty.  You, like Toni, had crossed your arms and were giving him a disapproving look. Slowly, he set the bottle down, shifting awkwardly on his stool.  You held your steely gaze, not budging when he tried to shoot you a weak smile.

“I’m going to have to say yes, aren’t I?”

Pressing your lips shut, you nodded. “Yes, yes you are.”

“And it’s going to be Fangs, isn’t it?”

“Yes, yes, it will.”

“Yes!” Fangs sprang back up and fist-pumped, nearly jumping around the bar loudly enough to draw the attention of everyone else in the bar. “Yes!”

“It just makes sense, Pea.  Fangs is one of our best friends.  We’ve also seen him act before, so we know he won’t get insanely nervous or something. Not to mention, he’s known us both forever, so he knows us better than almost anyone.”

“See, Y/N gets it,” Fangs agreed, his smile huge. “I’m funny, I’ve got good stories, and everyone knows I’m an ass man.”

“Huh?” you asked, your eyebrows furrowing in confusion.  On the other side on the bar, Toni had frozen, her cup halfway to her lips and a confused look on her face.  Sweet Pea was just shaking his head.

“What are you talking about, Fangs?” you finally asked.

“Your boobs!” he reminded you, nearly laughing with joy. “I won’t stare at your boobs!”

Laughing, you rolled your eyes, sliding off your barstool to lean into Sweet Pea. “Sounds like a winner to me.  What do you think, Pea?”

He sighed, running his free hand through his hair and giving his friend a pointed look. “And you promise to take it seriously?”

“Cross my heart,” he said, nodding quickly. “I’ll do such a good job. I’ll say all kinds of nice things, tell funny stories, and not say something dumb or hook up with a bridesmaid.”

“Oh, you mean Toni and Betty?” you laughed. “Like you’d hook up with either of them anyways.”

“And the groomsmen?” Toni asked, raising an eyebrow to give him a skeptical look.

“Jughead and Joaquin?  No, yeah, I’m good,” Fangs replied.

“Joaquin?” Sweet Pea asked. “Since when is he in our wedding?”

“Since you need to replace me somehow,” Fangs answered. “I was going to be the best man, but I’d assume Jughead’s getting that now which means you need another groomsman.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever,” Sweet Pea replied, gratefully accepting another beer from Toni.

“I wouldn’t even care if you did hook up with someone,” you chuckled. “As long as it’s after the ceremony and not in the church, you get all the ass you want.”

Fangs grinned and winked at Toni. “What do you say, Topaz?  The minister and the maid of honor?”

“Dear Lord, Fangs,” she replied, shaking her head. “You do remember that Cheryl and I are married, right?”

“Of course, I do—that wedding was killer.”

Sweet Pea just shook his head, already halfway through his next beer. “Just work on whatever you’re going to say ahead of time, Fangs.  I want to hear everything before the real thing.”

“Deal.”

You leaned over and took Fangs’ hand in yours. “Thank you, Fangs. Really, it means a lot.”

“Anytime, Y/N.” He stood up and looked at Sweet Pea, giving him an expectant look.”

Sweet Pea looked up at him, and his eyebrows furrowed. “Do I—oh, Jesus.”

Fangs grinned and opened his arms. “Bring it in, man.”

Trying not to smile, Sweet Pea got up and let Fangs embrace him. “Thanks, Fangs.”

Fangs clung tightly, his shorter frame nearly dwarfed by the taller man. “Damn, I see why Y/N likes you so much, man.  You really are a killer hugger.”

“Okay, that’s it—you’ve ruined it.” Sweet Pea let go of him and tried to wriggle free.  Fangs held on tight, though, using his bulkier frame to hold Sweet Pea in place.

“Nope, you’re not getting out of this that easily.”

Sweet Pea’s eyes widened, and he gave you a pleading look. “Y/N, please,” he whispered.

“Nah,” you replied, getting up to grab another drink. “This one’s all you.”

* * *

Later that week, you all found yourself at the Whyte Wyrm again, and this time, you didn’t have to fight with your fiancé over stupid wedding details. Instead, you were playing pool, drinking beer, and having a generally great time.  Then, Fangs interrupted.

“Okay, everybody.  I want to run what I have so far by you guys,” he said, grabbing a few crumpled sheets of paper and standing up in the middle of the crowded bar.  F.P. jokingly booed, and everyone laughed in response. Fangs just rolled his eyes, smoothing out his paper and taking a deep breath. “When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I cannot help but envy the lifetime ahead of having, and loving, and giving, and…” He paused, pursing his lips with frustration. “And then I can’t think of a good word to go here.”

“How about receiving?” Toni chimed in, grinning widely and trying not to break down in laughter.

“Yes!” He grabbed his pen and started scribbling furiously.  Meanwhile, Sweet Pea was sat there, a half-empty beer bottle in hand.  His jaw was hanging open, and he couldn’t stop shaking his head.  You could tell he was about to go off, so you shot him a dark look.

“Fangs,” you said cautiously, not wanting to hurt his feelings when he was clearly so excited. “That’s some great stuff you have, but I was thinking, since you know us both so well and all, that maybe you could do something a little more personal.  Something that only you could write for us, you know?”

Biting his lip thoughtfully, he nodded. “You know, you’re right.  I can do better.” He paused, tapping his foot and chewing on the cap of his pen.  

Everyone was waiting in rapt anticipation.  Toni was still doubled over, trying not to laugh.  Next to her, Cheryl was doing the same, avoiding contact with her wife so they didn’t break down together.  In the meantime, you had walked around the pool table to stand next to Sweet Pea, gripping his hand hard enough to silently tell him to keep his mouth shut.  In response, he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pressed his lips into your temple to murmur something under his breath. “I swear to God, babe, if he says something—”

“Sweet Pea,” you warned, your voice low and steely. “Shut the fuck up.”

“Oh, wait, I’ve got it!” Fangs said, holding up his pen excitedly. “I’ll talk about senior prom—you know, when you guys finally hooked up for the first time! Only, I won’t say  _hooked up_ , of course.  I’ll make it something sappy, like  _it was the day they began their beautiful journey…_ ” He trailed off and started writing frantically.

“Perfect, Fangs,” you laughed, smiling widely.

He looked up at you with a sly grin. “Began their journey by doing it in the hotel room, that is.”

Sweet Pea gave him a hard look.  _“Fangs.”_

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine.  How should I word it?  Did your eyes meet across the room?  And then next thing you know you’re in the bathtub together and she’s feeding you strawberries?”

Jughead, who had been miraculously silent, couldn’t hold his tongue on that one. “Wasn’t that you and that River Vixen?”

Fangs winked. “You bet it was.”

“So that’s not how it went down between you two?” Betty asked, trying not to laugh at yours and Sweet Pea’s mirrored expressions of exasperation.

“Not quite,” you replied, snagging Sweet Pea’s beer to take a big sip. “It was much less romantic.”

“Weren’t you still dating Reggie Mantle then?” Toni asked. “And wasn’t that the night you caught him hooking up with Josie in the bathroom?”

“Sure was,” you replied. “The guy didn’t even have the nerve to dump me—he just bailed midway through Prom to fuck someone else.” You slipped your hand into Sweet Pea’s and he lifted it to his mouth for a kiss. “Lucky for me, though, Sweet Pea was really sweet about it and made me feel much better about it. Of course, I  _was_ drinking a little bit too much, and—”

“Yeah, you were!” Fangs was nodding approvingly.

“And I was a perfect gentleman,” Sweet Pea snapped defensively. “I walked her back to her room and everything.”

“Yeah, after the two of you rocked the bed into another dimension entirely.”

* * *

Sweet Pea settled into bed with a sigh—it had been a long night.  He hadn’t wanted to go to Prom in the first place, especially when he found out that Y/N would be going with Mantle.  Their relationship hadn’t made any sense to him in the beginning, and the fact that it lasted this long was unbelievable.  

Of course, that all crashed and burned tonight.  

Sweet Pea heard the shouting in the middle of a thrilling rendition of the Cha-Cha-Slide and took advantage of the distraction to get the hell off the dance floor.  When he got to the bathroom, it took nearly all the strength he had to rip Y/N off of Reggie who had promptly stopped fighting back.  Eventually, he got her calmed down and into Toni’s care, and that had been his cue to get the fuck to bed.

Wishing the hotel room mini-bar hadn’t been cleared out, Sweet Pea settled into the pillows in an attempt to get more comfortable.  Then, there was a knock on the door.  With a groan, he got up to answer it.

When he opened the door, you were standing there, your once-styled hair pulled into a messy bun and most of your fancy makeup washed away.  You still had your floor-length dress on, and there was an amused smirk on your face.

“Nice boxers, Sweet Pea.”

He looked down with another groan.  Of all days to wear the dumb-ass Spiderman boxers.  Of course, he picked today.

“What do you need, tiny?  I can’t say I was expecting guests at this hour.”  Curious, he checked his watch. “Damn, it’s only 11:00?”

“Yeah, I know, right?” You shouldered past him into the room. “Is Fangs around?”

“Last I saw him, he had a bucket of strawberries in one arm and a River Vixen on the other.”

You made a face. “Oh, okay.”

“So, um, how’re you doing?”

You slumped onto the bed. “I’ve been better.”

He sat down on the bed next to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. “He’s an idiot, Y/N.  A massive idiot.  Any guy who would be dumb enough to cheat on you doesn’t deserve you in the first place.”

“Thanks, Pea.” You settled into his arm, taking in his comforting scent. At the moment, you barely even cared that he was still wearing nothing but boxers.  All you cared about was how good it felt to have him there with you.    

“Really, Y/N.  Any guy would be lucky to have to.”

Your heart started thudding in your chest, and for a moment, you forgot why you had even come there in the first place. “Sweet Pea, do you really mean that?”

“Of course, I do.” His full lips curved into a soft smile, and his warm brown eyes were fixed on yours.  Your hand was still in his, and it was the only thing that kept you from shaking. Your body moved faster than your brain, though, and before you knew what was happening, you were kissing him.

Sweet Pea kissed back heatedly, gripping your waist to pull you in close. His skin was hot against yours, and the way his lips moved against yours made your head spin.  Then, he broke away with a rough gasp.

“Y/N, what was that?”

“I don’t know,” you replied hurriedly, trying to catch your breath and refocus your vision on him. “I just—I just wanted to.”

“In the kindest way possible, Y/N, how much have you had to drink tonight?”

You scoffed, pushing some loose hair off your face to look at him. “Drunk enough to stop pretending I’m not into you, but not drunk enough that you should feel like you’re taking advantage of me.”

Laughing, he pulled you close again. “That sounds like exactly the right amount of drunk.”

“I agree.” You closed the gap between you, kissing him again and pushing him back onto the bed.  Your dress had ridden up to your hips, and Sweet Pea was holding you tightly on top of him.  Everywhere he touched, he left a trail of heat on your skin.  You smiled into the kiss, holding his face, feeling the smooth line of his jaw beneath your fingertips. “You know what’s weird?” you whispered.

“What?” he asked, his smile as wide as yours.

“This doesn’t even feel weird.”

“No, it doesn’t.” He ran his hands up your sides to the zipper on the back of the dress. “In fact, it feels really damn good.”

“I think you need to take this dress off me, Pea,” you said, sitting up and running your hands down his chest. “And these Spiderman boxers need to get as far out of my sight as possible.”

He laughed and sat up to pull down the zipped, dragging the dress down your body and placing soft kisses along your collarbone as he exposed more skin. “I can do that, beautiful.”

Suddenly, you heard footsteps outside, and the lock clicked as someone swiped a keycard.  Your eyes shot open, and you nearly dove under the covers, making sure to grab your dress and take it with you.  Under the blankets, you couldn’t see anything, but you could hear everything.

“Hey man,” Fangs said, sounding rushed. “How’s—”

“I—uh—I was just watching a movie.”

You groaned silently as both men must have been looking at the completely black TV screen.

“Oh, okaaay,” Fangs drawled. “That’s fine man, I’ll just—uh—get out of here and leave you to that.”

“No, it’s not—”

“Whatever, dude.  I just need condoms.  Where are they?”

“In the bag,” Sweet Pea sighed.

“Sweet.”

“Um, Fangs, could you leave me one?”

There was a pause, “Just for you?”

Another sigh. “Yeah, just for me.”

“Alrighty then.” There was a gentle thump as the condom hit the blanket on top of you. “Have at it, man.  Go nuts.”

* * *

“Jeez, could you imagine what would have happened if I didn’t leave you guys one? This whole thing may have never happened.” Fangs smiled fondly, grinning at you and Sweet Pea. “It’s like it was meant to be.”

Toni scoffed. “Yeah, totally meant to be, aside from the fact that Y/N originally wanted to hook up with—” She cut off, a look of horror overcoming her face when she realized what she had almost just said.

“What?” Sweet Pea demanded.  Then, he looked down at you. “What’s she talking about, babe?”

“Nothing, Sweets,” you assured, wrapping your arm around him and kissed him lightly on the cheek. “Seriously, nothing.”

“No, really, Y/N, who did you originally want to hook up with?”

“If I tell you, you have to promise not to be upset,” you pleaded. “It was almost ten years ago, and you know how horrible I felt that night.  I just wanted something quick and easy, something fun, with no strings attached.  So—” you took a deep breath. “So, when I came to the room that night, I was looking for Fangs.”

“Yeah, you were,” Fangs said with a proud nod.  Then, he saw his friend’s face, and his face dropped. “No, you weren’t.”

“I can’t believe this,” Sweet Pea snapped, nearly flying off his barstool. “I can’t believe this.  You originally wanted to hook up with  _Fangs?_  Fangs Fogarty?  My best friend?  Did you ever plan on telling me that?”

You felt incredibly small, and your voice came out even smaller. “No, because it didn’t seem all that important.”

“Not important?  What on earth makes you think that isn’t important?  Had it not been for some random River Vixen, you’d be marrying him!”

“Sweet Pea, that’s not true, and you know it.  I had had a thing for you forever, and Fangs would have just been a one-night thing.”

“That’s what you think,” Fangs murmured.

“Not helping, Fogarty,” you snapped. “Do you know how unbelievably glad I am that it wasn’t Fangs that night?  That it was you?  I love you, Sweet Pea, and a brief moment of desperation years ago doesn’t change that.”

“Whatever.  That’s it, though.  Fangs, you’re off the wedding.”

“What?” he exclaimed. “That’s not fair.  It’s not my fault—I was in a bathtub with a River Vixen by then.  And who’s to say I would have even said yes?” He winked at you. “I would have said yes.  But, really, Sweet Pea, you are making way too big of a deal about this. Everything worked out in the end, didn’t it?”

“Well, yeah, but—but, it’s just weird, okay?  I don’t want to be standing there, saying my vows and looking between you guys thinking how it could have been you that hooked up that night.” He groaned loudly, running his hand through his messy hair. “This is too much right now.   I need to take a walk.” He stormed to the door of the bar, and by now, everyone was staring.  The whole place had gone silent aside from the music pumping out of the speakers.

“Sweets, wait, I—”

The door shut behind him before you could get the words out.

* * *

The next day, Sweet Pea was still grumpy as he took his usual seat in the corner of Pop’s and ordered a burger and a milkshake.  Sure, he was nearly thirty, but it was still his go-to place when he was mad and needed some space to decompress.  You had tried everything you could to talk him down, but he just wasn’t having it.  Once again, you were left without a minister, but this time you had a hurt friend and a moody fiancé on top of it.

A few minutes later, Fangs walked in. “Hey, man.”

“Hey,” Sweet Pea replied sharply. “Want a burger?” he asked, lifting up his plate. “I ended up with it, but I’m sure it’d rather sleep with you.”

“Sweet Pea, that’s not fair, and you know it.” He sat down in the chair across from him. “Literally nothing happened.”

“Look, man, I know you wanted to do the wedding, but—”

“But I want you and Y/N to be happy more.  Dude, we’ve been friends forever, all of us—you, me, Y/N, and Toni. When we were kids, I never dreamed she’d end up with you.  You were always just friends.  Then, you started dating, and it was like both of you came to life in a whole new way. It was amazing.”

“Yeah, it was.  It’s completely spoiled by the fact that I was her second choice, though.  She wanted you, Fangs.”

“For like twenty minutes, Sweet Pea.  She wanted me because it would be easy, because she knew neither of us would catch feelings.  She wanted me because she was damn afraid that she just might be falling in love with you.”  He lifted his hands in exasperation and exhaled slowly. “Sweet Pea, when the two of you are together, it just makes sense.  Everything fits.  We all look at you, and we’re amazed.  It’s like—how does any couple have the right to be so perfect?  How can two people so wildly different be such an amazing match? How can love so powerful be so real?”

Sweet Pea’s lips had curved into a soft smile. “That’s what you should say.”

“What on earth are you getting at?”

He chuckled. “That’s what you should say when you’re marrying us, dumbass.”

Fangs laughed, his wide grin lighting up his face. “Really?  I can do it?”

“There’s no one else I’d want there more.” Sweet Pea smile dropped, and he gave Fangs a stern look. “But those words—those words  _exactly_.”

“Well, I didn’t write it down, but it’s pretty much just about having, and giving, and sharing, and receiving, and—”

“Fogarty—”

“Kidding, kidding.  I’ll come up with something good.”

“You better.”

“So, should I not mention all that time when you guys kept your relationship a secret and I had to lie about being a sex addict to cover for you?”

“No, of course not.” Sweet Pea gave his friend a disgusted look and took a sip of his milkshake. “And you also shouldn’t mention how I almost kissed Toni in an attempt to cling to that lie.”

“How about—”

“Mention the bathtub, and I kill you.”

“What about—”

“Literally not a word about you walking in on us and seeing Y/N’s boobs.”

“Even if—”

“I don’t care how funny it is.  No.”

“I really feel like my creative freedom’s being stifled here.”

“It’s a wedding, a wedding being run by Y/N, at that.  Any of us do anything to ruin her vision, and it won’t just be your creativity being stifled.” He chuckled amusedly. “Last week, she looked ready to throw fists at the baker because he said he’d charge extra for the fresh strawberries in the filling.  You mention her boobs from the front of the church, and I have no doubt you’ll be meeting Jesus personally that day.”

“So, no boobs?”

Sweet Pea shook his head. “No boobs.”

“What about that time when she tried to get in the shower with me thinking it was you?”

He sighed, shaking his head with exasperation and trying not to smile. “Maybe just stick to the whole having and sharing and giving and receiving thing.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! If you liked this, be sure to check out the rest of the Southside Serpents as F.R.I.E.N.D.S. series.


End file.
